Mental Bandwidth

When I was studying engineering, one term stuck to my mind from computer networking, it’s the term Bandwidth. In computer networking, bandwidth refers to the maximum amount of data that can be transmitted over an internet connection in a given amount of time. By analogy, mental bandwidth refers to the limited cognitive capacity or “brain resources” that we humans have available at any moment. Kent State University defines mental bandwidth as “the moment-to-moment amount of brain resources that each person possesses. Like time and physical energy, there is a limit to the amount of mental bandwidth we have available”. In simpler terms, it is our capacity to think clearly and handle tasks or problems, especially when juggling multiple things at once. When our mental bandwidth is maxed out, our minds don’t work well our thoughts get cloudy, we can’t think straight, and even trivial problems (like spilling a glass of milk) can make us feel like we’re “losing it.”

Modern life is full of little bandwidth thieves that rob us of our limited mental capacity without us even realising it. Think of the constant pings from our smartphones the beeping text message, the new email notification, the Teams or Slack ping from work. Each of these steals a bit of our attention. We might be enjoying playtime with kids or a conversation with family, but the moment we hear that ding, part of our mind drifts away, restless until we check the message. Research has shown that even the mere presence of a smartphone nearby (even if you’re not actively using it) can reduce your available cognitive capacity. In other words, a portion of our brain is working in the background to not think about the notification a mental “brain drain” that leaves us with less bandwidth for the present moment.

Balancing Life and Bandwidth

I first became truly aware of my own limited mental bandwidth after I had my son. (You really don’t know what it’s like to be a parent until you become one) I had always imagined motherhood would be busy, but I never guessed just how much mental juggling it would require. Suddenly, my child became the center of my world and caring for an infant is a round-the-clock job that devours attention. At the same time, life doesn’t pause: there are still our career to think of, bills to pay, eat healthy food and relationships to maintain. It quickly became clear to me that if I tried to give equal importance to everything, I would deplete my mental resources entirely. This is true not just for parents, but for everyone: we all have multiple facets of life competing for our attention, and prioritization becomes crucial to protect our mental bandwidth. I learned I had to carefully choose which things to focus on and which to let go.

For example, when my son was born, my priorities reshuffled overnight. My top priority was keeping my newborn healthy and fed. Second was healing my own body after childbirth. Third was figuring out a plan to eventually return to my career. Everything else moved down the list. Household chores, cooking, social media those could be temporarily de-prioritized or delegated. (Thankfully, my husband and my mother were there to help with cooking and chores in those early months.) By clearly knowing my priorities, I was able to channel my limited mental energy to what truly mattered at that time and ignore the rest. For instance, I’m a person who cares a lot about my career growth but during those initial months with my baby, I had mentally “logged off” thinking about my career. I knew this was not the season for ambition; it was the season for caretaking. By not wasting precious energy on things like LinkedIn notifications, I protected my very limited mental bandwidth.

This isn’t easy it requires conscious effort to set boundaries. But it’s necessary. If we try to attend to everything and everyone all at once, we end up spreading too thin mentally. When bandwidth is low, patience runs low too. Have you ever noticed how some people stay patient amid chaos, while others lose their temper over the smallest hiccup? Often, it’s not about the latest incident at all it’s about how full that person’s invisible “stress pot” already is. Each stressor adds to the pot, and once it’s near overflowing, even a trivial trigger can make it spill over.

Respecting Others’ Bandwidth and Expectations

It’s important to remember that everyone else has limited mental bandwidth too, and this can affect our relationships. If we carry unrealistic expectations that others should always be available to meet our emotional needs, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. No one has unlimited capacity to support someone else 24/7. Each person is dealing with their own life challenges (their own “journey”), and even those who love us might not always have the mental resources to be there in the way we’d like. Many relationships whether its with a partner, parent, friend, or colleague can suffer when the expectations placed on the other person to constantly cater to our emotional needs.

It’s a bitter truth of life that ultimately, each of us has to deal with our own stuff. Of course, we should be kind and supportive to each other humans are social animals and we rely on each other for attention, comfort, and listening ears. It’s normal to crave someone to say “I’m here for you, it will be okay.” And when we have that support, it’s a beautiful thing. But we also have to understand that the people around us are not bottomless wells of support; they have their own emotional limits. Relying completely on others to prop us up can lead to unhappiness for everyone involved. Part of maintaining relationships is managing our expectations and not over-burdening someone else’s mental bandwidth.

“In a world where you can be anything, be kind.” I love this saying because it reminds us that we seldom know the full story of the struggles others are carrying. If someone snaps at you or seems distant, consider that they might be under immense mental strain. Instead of judging them harshly, a little empathy can go a long way.

Mental Health: From Well to Unwell

All of us experience everyday stresses and emotional ups and downs. Feeling frustrated, sad, or anxious at times is part of being human. However, when these feelings become overwhelming or long-lasting, they can develop into what we call mental illness or mental health problems. One helpful concept I learned in my Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) training is that mental health exists on a continuum with four main phases:

1. Healthy (Well): We are mentally well, coping with life’s normal stresses.
2. Becoming Unwell: We’re starting to struggle – early signs of distress or difficulty coping appear.
3. Unwell: We are going through a serious mental health problem right now, and it’s making everyday life very hard to manage.
4. Recovery: We are improving and working our way back toward health.

According to MHFA England, we are typically somewhere on this spectrum at any given time, and we may move back and forth along it. The role of a Mental Health First Aider is especially crucial in the middle stages (the “becoming unwell” or early “unwell” phases). Just as a physical first aider stabilizes someone after an accident until medical help arrives, a mental health first aider offers initial support when someone is developing a mental health problem or experiencing a mental health crisis, until appropriate professional help can be obtained. If someone is in the early stages of struggle, a trained MHFA responder can listen, reassure, and encourage them to get the help they need. However, if a person progresses to a severe unwell stage (for example, severe depression or psychosis), professional treatment by doctors or mental health specialists is necessary.

So who is a Mental Health First Aider? In 2000, the Mental Health First Aid program was created in Canberra, Australia by Betty Kitchener (an educator who had personal experience with mental illness) and Professor Tony Jorm (a mental health researcher). The idea was to extend the concept of first aid (immediate help in a crisis) to mental health issues. The program teaches ordinary people how to recognize signs of mental health problems, provide initial help, and guide a person toward professional support. I was intrigued to learn about this and eventually took the MHFA training myself through Mental Health First Aid England (visit mhfaengland.org for more info). The training gave me insight and tools to support colleagues or friends who might be struggling. 

We all have health, and it’s made up of both physical and mental components. These two are deeply intertwined. Poor physical health (say, chronic pain or illness) can negatively affect your mental well-being, and poor mental health can manifest physically (low energy, aches, trouble sleeping, etc.). It’s crucial to treat mental health as equal in importance to physical health, and to work on ending the stigma that still surrounds mental illness. Society has historically separated the two – when we hear “health” we often just think “physical health” – but that is changing. Organizations and communities are increasingly recognizing that taking care of mental health is vital to overall well-being.

What Is Mental Health, Exactly?

The World Health Organization (WHO) famously defines health as “a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” In other words, health isn’t just about not being sick; it’s about feeling well and functioning well in all aspects. Mental health specifically is “a state of well-being in which an individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and is able to make a contribution to his or her community”. Another beautiful definition, from the UK’s Health Education Authority, describes mental health as “the emotional and spiritual resilience which allows us to enjoy life and survive pain, disappointment and sadness. It is a positive sense of well-being and an underlying belief in our own, and others’, dignity and worth”.

I truly believe life is a gift. Compared to the universe, our lifespans are tiny in the grand scheme of things. In this short time, being in a good state of mental and physical health is so important to living fully. Everyone experiences the full range of emotions – joy, anger, sorrow, hope and everyone faces challenges. But when the challenges or negative feelings start to overwhelm our resilience, that’s when mental ill health can set in. There are many terms used: mental health issues, mental disorders, mental health problems, etc. The terminology isn’t as important as recognizing that these conditions are real and can significantly impact a person’s thinking, mood, behavior, and ability to function. And unlike a broken arm or a fever, mental struggles might not be visible to others, which is why compassion is key – we never know what silent battles someone might be fighting.

Mental illnesses can range from common conditions like anxiety and depression to severe conditions like psychosis or schizophrenia. In the following sections, we’ll briefly explore some of the major types of mental health challenges. The goal here isn’t to provide a diagnostic manual or exhaustive detail (this is not a medical text or self-help manual), but rather to raise awareness of the kinds of difficulties people may experience. The more we all know about mental health, the better we can care for ourselves and support those around us.

What Influences Our Mental Bandwidth and Health?

So, what kinds of things affect our mental health or push us toward mental “bandwidth overload”? In a word: stress. We each carry a “stress pot,” and different types of stress can fill it up:

• Physical stress: Not feeling well, being injured, toothache or even just exhausted from lack of sleep can lower our mental resilience.
• Emotional stress: Conflict in relationships, going through a breakup, or experiencing grief/loss can weigh heavily on the mind.
• Environmental or social stress: Comparing ourselves to others (e.g., feeling behind your peers in life or career), financial difficulties, job pressures, or living in a chaotic environment can add to stress.
• Acute life events: Major life-changing events, even positive ones, can be stressful. For example, pregnancy and the arrival of a child is joyful but also a huge adjustment that can tax one’s mental resources. On the flip side, difficult events like bereavement, a serious illness, losing a job, an accident, or an assault can be extremely stressful and potentially trigger mental health crises.

A moderate amount of stress is actually normal and can even be motivating. For instance, I often noticed that a bit of anxiety before an exam pushed me to prepare better and stay alert during the test. This kind of “optimal anxiety” is our body’s way of preparing to face a challenge it can sharpen performance (up to a point). However, if stress and anxiety become excessive or unrelenting, they stop being helpful and start undermining our mental and physical health.

I’ve learned to watch my own “stress pot” level. When I sense it filling up, I try to take a pause and step away from everything for a day or two if possible. Even a short break or “mental reset” can prevent small stresses from snowballing into something bigger. This is a personal strategy I use for managing the everyday bursts of stress kind of like hitting the reset button to regain some mental bandwidth. Everyone’s coping techniques will differ, but the key is being self-aware enough to notice when your mental load is getting heavy, and then doing something to lighten it.

Now, let’s talk about a few specific mental health challenges that many people around the world face, often exacerbated by the kinds of stressors we just discussed.

Depression

We often use the word “depressed” informally when we’re feeling down, but clinical depression is more than just a day or two of sadness. Depression is a recognised mental health disorder that typically involves a persistently low mood and loss of interest or pleasure in activities for at least two weeks or more. It affects one’s emotions, thoughts, behaviour, and physical well-being. Someone with depression may feel hopeless, worthless, and exhausted; they might withdraw from social interactions, experience changes in appetite or sleep, and have trouble concentrating or performing at work. In short, depression can pervade every aspect of life, making it hard to function day to day.

A hallmark of depression is negative thinking a depressed person often has an extremely negative view of themselves (“I’m a failure”), their future (“Nothing will ever get better”), and the world around them. It’s as if a dark filter settles over the mind. We all experience negative thoughts about ourselves occasionally, but in a healthy mind those thoughts are usually temporary and balanced out by other feelings. In depression, the negative thoughts stick and play on repeat. This persistent hopelessness is why depression can lead to suicidal ideation; the pain feels endless and inescapable.

It’s important to understand that depression is not something one can just “snap out of” with willpower. It is an illness with biological and psychological components, and it often requires treatment such as therapy, medication, lifestyle changes, or a combination of these. If you or someone you know has been feeling extreme sadness or despair most of the day, nearly every day, for two weeks or more especially if it’s impacting daily life – please seek professional help. Depression is treatable, and people do recover.

Even life events that are supposed to be happy can sometimes trigger depression. For example, many new mothers experience perinatal depression (depression during or after pregnancy). When I gave birth to my son, I got a taste of how challenging those postpartum weeks can be. Thanks to increased awareness, the healthcare system in the UK is proactive about this – a health visitor came to our home with a questionnaire to screen me for postnatal depression. I’ll be honest, those first two weeks after childbirth were some of the hardest days of my life. The sleep deprivation alone was torture; I remember dreading nightfall because I knew it meant another sleepless night was coming. I felt anxious and on edge, wondering if I’d ever feel “normal” again. What helped me through it was having support (my husband and mother taking shifts so I could catch a little sleep) and using some coping tools like journaling. Writing down my feelings each day, even the ugly ones, helped me stay self-aware and realise that what I was experiencing while intense was also temporary and something many new parents go through.

Another context where a lot of people experience depressive feelings is the workplace. Have you heard the term “Monday blues”? That drag in mood many feel as the work week starts can be a mild form of what, in more severe cases, becomes workplace-related depression or burnout. Unfortunately, in many workplaces, there has historically been a stigma around talking about mental health. Employees might fear that if they disclose a mental health issue, it could impact their job security or how colleagues view them. They might also worry that their confidentiality won’t be respected. As a result, people suffer in silence.

This is slowly changing. Forward-thinking companies are starting to treat employee well-being as a priority. At some of the larger organisations where I have worked, for example, there were initiatives to support mental health including training employees as Mental Health First Aiders, offering counseling resources, and encouraging an open dialogue about stress and burnout. When senior leaders openly discuss mental health and encourage work-life balance, it sends a powerful message that it’s okay to speak up and seek help. Still, every one of us has a role in breaking down stigma. By talking openly about mental health, educating ourselves, and showing compassion, we create a culture where people feel empowered to get help. Every human being on this planet deserves to lead a fulfilling life, and that starts with feeling okay to say “I’m not okay” and ask for support.

Before we move on, let’s clear up a common confusion: depression vs. sadness. Sadness is a normal emotion - a reaction to painful events (like losing a loved one or being passed over for a promotion). It usually comes in waves and, though it hurts, it doesn’t completely consume one’s ability to function. Depression, on the other hand, is often more like a continuous dark cloud. It doesn’t always need a triggering event and isn’t easily lifted by positive experiences. If depression is present, it’s not a sign of personal weakness or a character flaw – it’s a health condition, and like any such condition, one deserves support and treatment for it.

Suicide

Depression and other mental illnesses, if not addressed, can tragically lead to suicidal thoughts and actions. Suicide is a major public health issue globally. Many people who contemplate suicide do not actually want to die; rather, they wish to end their pain. When someone’s mental pain exceeds their coping resources, they may begin to think that ending their life is the only way to escape the suffering. It’s heart-breaking because, with help and treatment, that person’s pain can be alleviated suicide is preventable.

To put the issue in perspective: in Great Britain (UK), suicide claims about three times more lives each year than road accidents. For example, in 2014 there were 6,122 recorded deaths by suicide in the UK, compared to 1,775 deaths in traffic accidents. In other words, a person was far more likely to lose their life to their own despair than to a car crash. Statistics like this underscore how critical it is to take mental health seriously. Each of those numbers is a person someone’s child, parent, friend, or partner and each suicide often leaves behind a wake of grief-stricken loved ones.

If you are having thoughts of not wanting to live, please reach out for help immediately to a doctor, a therapist, a crisis line, or someone you trust. Suicidal thoughts are a sign of intense pain and hopelessness, but there are people who care and ways to find hope again. And if you’re ever concerned that someone you know may be suicidal, don’t be afraid to gently ask them contrary to myth, talking about it will not “put the idea in their head.” In fact, it could save their life because it gives them permission to open up and seek help. Remember, suicide is never the person’s “fault”; it is often the ultimate consequence of untreated mental illness or acute distress. Our society must treat it as the public health emergency it is, just as we do with physical illnesses.

Anxiety

If depression is often described as a lingering sadness about the past (or what one has lost), anxiety is like an excessive worry about the future. We all experience anxiety from time to time – it’s a natural human response designed to help us avoid danger and solve problems. The right amount of anxiety can even be useful. As I mentioned, feeling anxious before an exam or a job interview can sharpen your focus and motivate you to prepare. In those cases, anxiety is usually short-term and proportional to the situation, and it dissipates afterward.

However, an anxiety disorder is when anxiety becomes too intense, frequent, or long-lasting, and it interferes with daily life. Anxiety can range from a general constant worry (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) to specific phobias (intense fear of particular things), social anxiety (fear of social situations), or panic disorder (sudden panic attacks of terror). The experience can include physical symptoms too: a racing heart, sweating, trembling, upset stomach, dizziness the whole “fight or flight” response kicking in even when there is no true immediate danger.

The tricky thing about anxiety is that our minds can fixate on anything and blow it out of proportion. You might find yourself obsessing over a scenario that hasn’t happened (and might never happen). Hours – even days – can be lost imagining “what if…?” worst-case scenarios. When I catch myself doing this, I try to gently bring my focus back. One technique that helps is to write down exactly what’s worrying me. In the form of journaling: I spill out the anxious thought onto paper, then read it back. Seeing it written down helps me evaluate it more objectively. Often, I’ll realize that (a) it’s something either out of my control or too far in the future to act on now, or (b) if it is something actionable, I can break it down and make a plan rather than just worry. If it’s out of my control or too premature, I’ll tell myself: “Okay, I’ve acknowledged this fear. Now I’ll park it here on paper.” Then I consciously redirect my attention to the present moment what can I do right now that is positive or productive? This might be as simple as playing with my son, cleaning up my immediate surroundings, or doing a short meditation. The idea is to not let a hypothetical future steal the reality of the present.

For those with serious or chronic anxiety that disrupts their life, professional help is important. Therapy (like cognitive-behavioral therapy) can teach effective strategies to manage anxious thoughts, and medications can also be an option. But for everyday anxiety and worry, aside from journaling, there are a few quick techniques that can help ground you:

• Deep breathing exercises: Slowing down your breathing can signal your nervous system to calm down.
• Mindfulness or meditation: Simply observing your thoughts and letting them pass without judgment can reduce the power they have over you.
• Physical activity: A brisk walk, a short workout, or even doing some stretches can burn off nervous energy and release calming neurotransmitters.
• Talking to someone: Sometimes just saying your worries out loud to a friend can make them feel lighter (and often you realize some of them might sound a bit irrational once spoken that’s okay, it helps to laugh at ourselves gently).

Remember, occasional anxiety is part of life. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety completely that’s neither possible nor desirable (we need a little to stay alert and safe). The goal is to manage it so that it doesn’t dominate your life or derail your ability to enjoy the here and now.

Personality Disorders

Another category of mental health issues you might have heard of is personality disorders. A personality disorder is a type of mental condition in which a person has long-term patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that are unhealthy and inflexible, causing problems in their life and relationships. In other words, aspects of their personality such as how they perceive themselves or how they react to others differ markedly from societal expectations and lead to significant distress or impairment. People with a personality disorder often have difficulty understanding and managing their emotions, may act impulsively, and typically struggle to maintain stable relationships.

There are many types of personality disorders (such as borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and others), each with its own pattern of behaviours and challenges. For example, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is characterised by intense emotional swings, fear of abandonment, and unstable relationships. Someone with BPD might one day idolize a friend or partner and the next day feel that same person has cruelly betrayed them over a small incident their emotions are very intense and can shift rapidly. This can be exhausting and confusing both for the individual and their loved ones. Antisocial Personality Disorder, on the other hand, involves a long-term pattern of manipulating or violating the rights of others, often associated with a lack of empathy or remorse. What all personality disorders share is that the patterns are deep-seated (often beginning in adolescence or early adulthood) and can cause serious interference with a person’s ability to live a fulfilling life.

It’s important to note that personality disorders are nobody’s “fault”. They often arise from a complex mix of genetic factors and life experiences (such as trauma or instability in childhood). And although the patterns are long-term, people with personality disorders can improve and learn healthier ways to cope. Therapy (like Dialectical Behaviour Therapy for BPD or other counselling approaches) and sometimes medications can help manage certain symptoms. With support, individuals can build more adaptive habits and relationships. As with any mental health issue, compassion and understanding are key these individuals often feel misunderstood and stigmatised by society, so educating ourselves about their struggles can foster empathy.

Psychosis and Schizophrenia

Moving to the severe end of the mental health spectrum, we have conditions involving psychosis. Psychosis is an umbrella term that describes a state of mind in which a person has lost some contact with reality. This can involve changes in thinking, perception, mood, and behavior so severe that the person has trouble distinguishing what is real from what is not. When someone is experiencing psychosis, they may perceive things that others do not (hallucinations) or hold strong beliefs in things that are not true or logical (delusions). Psychosis in itself is a symptom or experience that can occur in various disorders (it’s not a diagnosis on its own). For instance, it can occur in severe depression, in bipolar disorder, or in certain medical conditions and drug use. There are also specific psychotic disorders, the most well-known being schizophrenia.

Schizophrenia is often referenced in movies and media (sometimes inaccurately). The term schizophrenia translates roughly to “split mind,” but it does not mean a person has multiple personalities (a common misconception). Instead, it refers to a fragmentation or splitting of mental functions basically a disruption in the normal balance of emotions and thinking. A person with schizophrenia may experience:

• Hallucinations: perceiving things that aren’t there. The most common are auditory hallucinations, such as hearing voices that no one else hears. These voices might comment on the person’s actions or insult them or even command them to do things, which can be very frightening. Hallucinations can also be visual (seeing things), tactile (feeling things on the skin), etc., though those are less common than hearing voices.
• Delusions: fixed false beliefs that don’t change even when presented with conflicting evidence. For example, an individual might believe they are under constant surveillance by the government, or that a random stranger on the street is in love with them, or that they have supernatural powers. These beliefs can be quite elaborate and are very real to the person experiencing them.
• Disorganised thinking and speech: conversation might be hard to follow because the person jumps between unrelated topics, or they might invent new words or speak in a way that seems nonsensical to others.
• Blunted or inappropriate emotions: they might show very little emotional expression (flat affect) or emotions that don’t quite fit the situation.
• Social withdrawal and self-neglect: due to a combination of symptoms and the disruption in thought, people with schizophrenia often withdraw from others, and their self-care (like hygiene, eating, etc.) may suffer.

Experiencing psychosis can be terrifying and confusing, both for the person and their family. The good news is that with proper treatment (usually a combination of antipsychotic medication, psychotherapy, social support, and rehabilitation), many people with schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders can manage their symptoms and lead meaningful lives. Early intervention is key: evidence suggests that the sooner someone gets treatment after psychosis begins, the better their long-term outcome.

As mentally healthy individuals, why should we care to know about conditions like schizophrenia or psychosis? Because knowledge breaks down stigma. When we understand that someone behaving oddly might be ill rather than just “weird” or “scary,” we can approach the situation with empathy rather than fear. Also, severe mental illnesses touch more lives than we may realize - you or someone you know may have a family member affected. Being informed enables us to be supportive. Sometimes, just being willing to listen and not judge can be a lifeline.

Protecting Your Mental Bandwidth

We’ve talked about a lot of heavy stuff - stress, illness, crisis; but now let’s focus on solutions and self-care. How can we protect our precious mental bandwidth so that we don’t end up overloaded? Below are some tools and tips that have worked for me and others. Think of them as ways to recharge your mental batteries and prevent burnout:

• Prioritise and Set Boundaries: As described earlier, get clear on what truly matters right now in your life and what can be put on the backburner. You can do anything, but not everything. Decide what to focus your mental energy on, and give yourself permission to let other things go (at least temporarily). If you’re a new parent, maybe it’s okay if your career is on cruise control for a few months. If you’re caring for an ill family member, maybe it’s okay to skip some social obligations or not have a spotless house. You are one person and you have limits and that’s okay! This also means learning to say “no” sometimes. Protect your time. For example, you might set a rule like “no work emails after 8 pm” or limit how many extra projects you take on. Prioritizing is a form of self-respect for your mental bandwidth.
• Take Tech Breaks: We love our phones and laptops, but they can be relentless in their demands on our attention. Consider carving out some phone-free time each day. Maybe during dinner, or the first hour after you wake up, you put the phone on silent and out of sight. Maybe you designate one day a week as a “digital detox” day. Use that time to engage in something calming or fulfilling: play with your kids, read a book, take a walk, engage in a hobby. By reducing those constant external inputs, you give your brain a chance to idle and refresh. Remember the study mentioned earlier even a silent phone in sight can pull you away cognitively. So imagine the benefit of deliberately putting the devices aside for a bit.
• Journaling: I cannot recommend journaling enough as a tool for mental well-being. Writing in a journal daily (or as often as you can) has tremendous benefits backed by research. Journaling helps you process your emotions, manage stress, and even cope with symptoms of depression and anxiety. The act of writing forces you to slow down your racing thoughts and put them into coherent form. It’s like having a conversation with yourself a safe space to vent, to reflect, and to problem-solve. Studies have found that journaling can reduce mental distress and improve mood by helping you prioritize your problems and track your triggers. It’s also an opportunity for positive self-talk: once those negative thoughts are on paper, you can challenge them or counter them with more realistic ones. Here are a few journaling tips to get started:
  • Write regularly, even if just a few lines: Consistency helps. Set aside 5-10 minutes a day. It could be in the morning with your coffee or at night before bed. Treat it as your time.
  • No rules, just flow: Your journal is for your eyes (unless you choose to share). Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or if what you write is “profound.” Draw or doodle if that’s how you express yourself. The key is honesty on the page.
  • Use it for problem-solving: If you feel overwhelmed, try listing out everything on your mind. Sometimes seeing a worry in black and white makes it easier to decide what to do about it (or realize it’s out of your control). You can also use journaling to practice gratitude jot down a couple of things you’re thankful for, to shift your mindset toward the positive.
  • Reflect on patterns: Every so often, read back through old entries. You might notice patterns e.g., “I always feel anxious on Sunday nights” which can give insight on what to work on, or you might realize how much progress you’ve made in some area.

Keeping a journal, for me, has been like having a trusted friend who’s always there to listen. On paper I can be brutally honest, and that in itself is a relief. Over time, journaling helped me notice the connection between my thoughts, feelings, and actions, which made me more self-aware and better at managing my reactions.

• Mindfulness and Moment-to-Moment Living: A principle I try to live by is “take every moment as it comes and live moment by moment.” We can’t time-travel; we only ever have the present moment to live in. When you find yourself ruminating about the past (which you cannot change) or worrying excessively about the future (which is not here yet), gently bring yourself back to now. One practical mini-technique I use when I’m feeling overwhelmed by an unpleasant moment is this:
  1. Acceptance of the Past: Pause and acknowledge whatever has already happened that’s bothering you. Tell yourself, “Okay, X happened. I may wish it didn’t, but I cannot undo it.” This is about acceptance, not approval. You’re just freeing yourself from the futile loop of “if only…” thoughts.
  2. Enrichment of the Present: Look around and ask, “What can I do right now to make this moment even a tiny bit better or more meaningful?” It could be something like taking a few deep breaths, stretching your arms, drinking a glass of water, or calling a friend. It could also be doing something kind for someone else sometimes shifting focus outward helps. Even if you’re having a bad day, there are usually small choices available in the present to enrich it (a five-minute break, stepping outside to feel the sun, etc.).
  3. Purposefulness for the Future: Remind yourself of the bigger picture – what are your values and aims moving forward? For example, “I want to be a good parent,” or “I want to publish my own book,” or simply “I want to be healthy and at peace.” Keeping that purpose in mind can put current troubles into perspective and motivate you to carry on. It doesn’t mean ignoring the present or the past, it just means you don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. Your life has purpose, and this moment is a part of that journey.

By practicing acceptance, presence, and purpose, you protect your mental bandwidth from being hijacked by regret or anxiety. It’s a way to compartmentalise time: let the past be past, let the future be future, and give your full bandwidth to today.

• Build in Recovery Time: Just like muscles need rest after a workout, your brain needs downtime to recover from intense periods of work or stress. This could mean ensuring you get adequate sleep (sleep is non-negotiable mental recovery), taking short breaks during the workday, using your vacation days instead of letting them pile up, or simply having some “nothing time” where you allow yourself to be unscheduled. In a world that prizes busyness, deliberately doing nothing for a bit can feel strange but it is in those unstructured moments that our minds can wander, daydream, and replenish.
• Stay Connected (within healthy limits): Loneliness can quickly drain mental well-being, so maintaining social connections is important. But be mindful of who you spend time with – seek out people who uplift and energize you, and set gentle boundaries with those who consistently drain or hurt you. Sometimes, protecting your mental bandwidth means politely declining that invite with the friend who only wants to rant and never listen, or limiting interactions with a relative who is overly critical. Choose to be around those who respect your boundaries and support you.
• Professional Help is OK: Finally, part of taking care of your mental health is recognizing when you might need professional support. If you’re feeling persistently overwhelmed, or suspect you might have depression, an anxiety disorder, or anything else beyond your own coping, reaching out to a mental health professional is a smart and strong move. Therapists, counselors, or doctors can provide tools and treatments tailored to you. Think of it this way: if you had relentless pain in your chest, you’d see a doctor. If you have relentless emotional pain or stress that you can’t shake, seeing a mental health professional is equally important.

Helping Others: Kindness and Non-Judgmental Listening

Earlier we discussed the importance of managing our expectations of others’ support, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be supportive to others when we can. In fact, one of the most meaningful ways to use our mental bandwidth is to lend some of it to a fellow human in need. Often, you don’t need to “fix” someone’s problems – just listening to them can be incredibly powerful.

Did you know that, according to communication studies, adults spend about 45% of their communication time just listening – more than any other activity like speaking or reading? Yet, most of us get little to no formal training in how to listen well. We tend to think listening is automatic, but active, empathetic listening is a skill, and it can be improved.

The first step in helping someone in distress is to approach and listen without judgment. This concept of non-judgmental listening is emphasized in Mental Health First Aid training. It means creating a safe space for the person to share by showing acceptance, not criticism. Here are some tips to be a good listener and supporter:

• Check in with yourself first: Before you engage in a heart-to-heart with someone who is struggling, reflect on your own state of mind. Are you feeling relatively calm and open at that moment? If you’re frantic, angry, or very upset, you might not be in the best frame of mind to help. Take a moment to center yourself so you can be fully present for the other person .
• Adopt an attitude of acceptance, genuineness, and empathy: These three qualities are sometimes called the “core conditions” for helping relationships (originating from psychologist Carl Rogers). Acceptance means respecting the person’s feelings and experiences as valid even if you disagree with their viewpoint or it’s hard to understand, you accept that this is how they feel. Genuineness means be real don’t put on a fake concerned facade; truly care and be yourself. Empathy means trying to put yourself in their shoes and feel with them. Imagine what it might be like to go through what they’re describing. You might say things like, “That sounds really tough. I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you.” These attitudes set the stage for trust.
• Listen more than you talk: Let them vent or cry or sit in silence whatever they need. Use verbal and non-verbal cues to show you’re listening: nod your head, say “mm-hmm” or “I see” occasionally. Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to elaborate (“How have you been coping with that?” instead of yes/no questions). Importantly, don’t interrupt and don’t immediately jump in with your own story (“Oh yeah, that happened to me once…”). In this moment, it’s about them, not you. Even well-intentioned advice may not be what they need immediately often people first just need to feel heard.
• Avoid judgment and quick fixes: It can be tempting to offer solutions (“Here’s what you should do…”) or to minimise what they’re feeling (“It’s not that bad, cheer up!”). Avoid doing this. It might come from a good place you want to help them feel better but it can backfire. Telling someone how to feel or giving unsolicited advice can make them shut down. Instead, validate their experience: “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds very painful.” You can gently explore options with them: “Have you thought about talking to a counselor? I could help you find one if you want.” But make it a collaboration, not a directive.
• Mind your body language: Stay open and approachable. This can mean sitting alongside them rather than directly opposite (which can feel confrontational), maintaining comfortable eye contact, and keeping a relaxed posture (uncross those arms, that can look defensive). If appropriate and you know the person well, a supportive touch like a hand on their shoulder or an offered hug can convey warmth (always gauge whether this is welcome).

Sometimes, just listening and being there is all you can do and it is enough. You might silently worry, “What if I say the wrong thing?” or “What if I can’t solve their problem?” Remember, you likely can’t solve it for them, and that’s okay. Your role is not to be their therapist or savior; it’s to be a friend, a compassionate fellow human. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of someone’s nonjudgmental listening, you’ll know what a gift it is. It can make you feel less alone and more hopeful, just knowing someone cares enough to hear you out.

One more thing: after supporting someone, practice self-care for yourself too. Listening to someone’s troubles can be emotionally taxing. Make sure you decompress and acknowledge your own feelings. Helping others should not come at the expense of your own mental health it’s that oxygen mask analogy: you put on your own mask first before assisting others.

Unpleasant Moments and the Cost of Carrying Pain

Every person experiences unpleasant or painful events, but dwelling on them can exact a heavy toll. Psychologists warn that harboring resentment or grudges turns into “taking poison” – the carrier alone suffers the. Rumination traps us in a loop of anger and anxiety, degrading our emotional well-being and even impacting health. In fact, studies show that fixating on past hurts only intensifies stress, makes events feel more recent, and can heighten anxiety or depression. In short, clinging to pain doesn’t solve anything – it harms the one who holds it . Lightening this load (e.g. through forgiveness or therapy) frees up mental capacity for living fully.

Turning Lemons into Growth: Focusing on Goals Amid Adversity

Life will inevitably “throw lemons” – unexpected challenges that fill our stress bucket. Building resilience means responding constructively instead of wallowing. As health experts note, resilient people “adapt to tough events” by accepting their feelings but still “keep going” physically and mentally. One key strategy is to set clear, meaningful goals even in hard times. Mayo Clinic advises making every day count by doing something purposeful and breaking larger dreams into reachable steps. Having a vision for the future a dream or plan gives a sense of hope and direction when adversity strikes. Crucially, resilience also involves taking action: don’t ignore problems, but figure out solutions and make a plan. In doing so, you reclaim control, bounce back from setbacks, and prevent stress from overwhelming your “mental bucket”. (Building connections, healthy routines, and self-care [exercise, sleep, relaxation] can also help lightening stress as you pursue your goals.)

Empathy: Every Person Has an Unseen Story

No matter how successful or strong someone appears, everyone carries hidden struggles. As NBA star Kevin Love reminds us: “Everyone is going through something that we can’t see”. Mental health and life challenges affect all of us behind the scenes we simply may not recognise them. Remembering this truth fosters compassion: “you never know what that person is going through,” so meet others (and yourself) with kindness and understanding. This perspective guards against needless judgment and isolation. By acknowledging that every soul has a story, we can be gentler when life’s lemons sour others’ moods and recognize our own value when times are tough.

Fighting Your Own Battles

Ultimately, no one else can solve our problems for us. We must “fight our own battles” by taking personal responsibility. As motivational author David Goggins bluntly puts it, “No one is going to come help you. No one’s coming to save you”. Psychology research concurs: an internal locus of control believing you influence your outcomes builds resilience and motivation. When we stop blaming external forces and instead focus on what we can do, we gain strength. Practical mental-health guides echo this: we must “take action, figure out what you need to do, make a plan and take action,” because life can improve if you work at it. In other words, set goals, seek support and tools, and actively address challenges. Even small steps (setting boundaries, seeking help, learning new skills) reclaim agency. This mindset - I am my own advocate and caretaker, frees mental bandwidth otherwise wasted on wishing for rescue, and it steadily builds confidence and progress.

Practicing the Art of Detachment

Detachment is a skill for protecting your mental energy. It means letting go of rigid expectations about people, outcomes, or the future, while still caring about the present. As one coach explains, “detaching from the outcome” allows a deeper connection to the present moment. Rather than numbing out, true detachment involves feeling fully now but releasing control. Many traditions link attachment to suffering for example, Buddha said “the root of suffering is attachment” highlighting why releasing obsessive control brings peace. Psychologists note that detaching from the urge to control reduces anxiety and negative feelings.

To practice detachment in daily life, try:

• Mindfulness Meditation: Train yourself to observe thoughts and feelings without reacting. Regular mindfulness exercises (focus on breath or body sensations) literally calm the stress response and let you step back from emotional turmoil. Over time, this rewires the brain to improve emotion regulation and cut stress.
• Focus on Process, Not Just Results: When working on your dreams or relationships, immerse yourself in the process (the craft, the learning, the connection) rather than obsessing about a specific outcome. For example, love the act of painting or teaching itself, instead of fixating on praise or numbers. This keeps you grounded and adaptable if things don’t go exactly as planned.
• Embrace Feelings Without Clinging: Allow yourself to feel joy or pain deeply, but release the need to control how others should act or how the future will unfold. As one life coach illustrates, you can “feel excited and pain” with someone but practice releasing them the next moment. Care without possession: support loved ones without forcing outcomes, and care deeply for your goals without letting fear of failure freeze you.
• Let Go After Giving Your Best: Give 100% effort, then choose to step back. As yoga teacher Rolf Gates advises: “we show up, burn brightly… and when our work is done… we step back and let go”. In other words, do what you can passionately, then relinquish overthinking. This might mean ending a conversation that isn’t resolving, or accepting that you did your best on a project and moving on.

By training in detachment, you cultivate inner freedom. You’ll reduce unnecessary stress.

Cultivating mental bandwidth means not wasting energy on grudges or unrealistic expectations. Instead, acknowledge pain but let it go, maintain empathy for the hidden burdens of others, focus on meaningful goals to channel adversity into growth, rely on your own agency to solve problems, and practice detachment so that you remain present and resilient. Each of these strategies releasing old pain, proactive goal-setting, self-reliance, and mindful detachment - expands your mental bandwidth for what truly matters: living purposefully and compassionately.

At the end of the day

At the end of the day, life can only be lived moment by moment. We can’t skip ahead and we can’t rewind we are always right here, right now. Our mental bandwidth is the resource that allows us to experience these moments fully, to solve problems, to connect with others, and to simply be. It is precious and limited, but with awareness and care, we can make the most of it.

Know your limits and respect them. Take care of your mind as you would your body with rest, nourishment, and exercise (for the brain, that might mean learning new things or practicing mindfulness). When you find your bandwidth running low, don’t beat yourself up; instead, prioritise, delegate, or take a break. And remember that others around you are juggling their own mental loads so extend the grace to them that you’d want them to extend to you.

Life will always have stress and challenges, but it also has beauty, love, and meaning. By managing our mental bandwidth, we can better savour the good times and navigate the tough times. And by being kind and listening to one another, we make the journey a little easier for everyone. Take every moment as it comes, help others when you can, and don’t forget to put on your own oxygen mask first. You’ve got this.

References

• Kent State University – Mental Bandwidth Basics. Definition of mental bandwidth and effects of bandwidth exhaustion .
• University of Texas at Austin, News (2017) – The Mere Presence of Your Smartphone Reduces Brain Power. Study showing how having a phone nearby distracts and reduces cognitive capacity .
• Richmond Foundation (Mental Health First Aid Malta) – What is Mental Health First Aid? Origin of the MHFA program in 2000 by Betty Kitchener and Tony Jorm .
• Construction Management (2016) – “Construction workers six times more likely to die from suicide than falls.” Cites Samaritans data: 6,122 suicides in UK 2014 vs 1,775 road deaths .
• World Health Organization – Definition of Mental Health. Described via Health & Wellness at Illinois site: mental health is a state of well-being realizing one’s abilities, coping with normal stresses, productive work, and community contribution .
• Scotland’s Mental Health First Aid – About mental health. Quote defining mental health as emotional and spiritual resilience to enjoy life and survive pain, with a sense of well-being and self-worth .
• Mayo Clinic – Personality Disorders – Overview. Defines personality disorder as a lifelong pattern causing problems in how people relate to others, with difficulty understanding emotions and impulsive behavior .
• University of Rochester Medical Center – Journaling for Emotional Wellness. Explains benefits of journaling for managing anxiety, stress, and depression, and improving mood through prioritizing problems and tracking triggers .
• University of Minnesota Open Textbook – Communication in the Real World (Chapter 5: Listening). States that adults spend ~45% of communication time listening, more than any other activity .
• Mental Health First Aid (USA) – Four Tips for Nonjudgmental Listening. Advises reflecting on one’s mindset and adopting acceptance, genuineness, and empathy when listening to someone in distress .
• Greater Good Science Center – How to Stop Ruminating. Explores how dwelling on negative thoughts drains mental energy and practical steps to break the cycle.
• NHS Every Mind Matters – Mental Wellbeing Tips. Offers evidence-based tools to protect mental health and build emotional resilience.
• Mayo Clinic – Resilience Training. Provides research-backed strategies for bouncing back from adversity and pursuing goals with mental strength.
• NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) – Everyone is Going Through Something. Highlights the invisible mental health struggles people carry and the need for compassion.
• Mind UK – Self-Care and Resilience. Guidance on building coping strategies, setting boundaries, and supporting mental wellbeing.
• Mayo Clinic – Schizophrenia Symptoms and Causes. Explains psychosis and schizophrenia to promote understanding and reduce stigma.
• Samaritans – Suicide Facts and Figures. Presents data underscoring the prevalence of suicide and the need for mental health awareness.
• University of Minnesota Open Textbook – Communication in the Real World (Listening). Breaks down the importance of active, empathetic listening in human interactions.
• Headspace – The Art of Non-Attachment. Explains how letting go of rigid expectations can reduce suffering and increase peace of mind.
• Psychology Today – The Art of Detachment. Offers insights into emotional detachment as a tool for mental wellbeing and resilience.
• Zen Habits – Letting Go of Attachment. Guides readers through practices to reduce overattachment to outcomes and cultivate inner freedom.
• Forbes – David Goggins on Mental Toughness. Explores Goggins’ philosophy of radical self-responsibility and fighting your own battles.